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How To Aggravate a Chef

By Beacon Staff

I’ve used this space on occasion to give my readers the view from the other side of the culinary profession – chefs, wait staff, greeters, seaters and bartenders.

Not that I expect 100 percent adherence to my suggestions or lessons that should be learned by relating true war stories, but there’s still a lot of bad behavior going on out there.

So here are a few more story-examples to add to the collection, this time from the restaurant chef’s perspective.

One chef-owner, representative of many, remarks, “I don’t move the furniture when I come over to your house. And we don’t like it when you move ours. Why are you moving my tables and chairs, especially blocking access to specific foot traffic areas, especially for my wait staff? When you called and said you had a party of 10, we looked at our table logistics and set up yours based on what works for us. Believe me, leave it that way. You don’t want our wait staff performing balancing acts with higher degrees of difficulty.”

Another decries the expectation that because it’s your birthday you should get a free dessert. There are a number of places where this is part of the business plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s every restaurant’s policy. “When you buy an outfit at Nordstrom on your birthday, do they throw in the shoes at no charge? I didn’t think so,” says another chef-owner.

A restaurant’s hours are almost always posted on or near the front door and certainly on their website. Don’t show up 30 to 45 minutes before opening, even though the door may be unlocked. The staff is setting up the place or having their employee meal before opening. And closing time is closing time. “You can’t cash a check at a bank if you show up 30 seconds after they lock the front door. Why would you expect us to cook for you when we’re closed?” one chef asks. And asking for the food to go isn’t any better. Closed means closed.

Many restaurants power down between lunch and dinner. It gives the staff time to reset tables for dinner service; the bartender gets to refill mixers, ice bins, etc. Trust me. They don’t need your company or conversation while you nurse a beer or soft drink until dinner service begins. Oftentimes, if they’re not engaged in set-up for dinner service, then it’s downtime when they get to eat.

Thank you for making a reservation. But if you’re late, many busy restaurants have to assume that you’re not showing up and they will give your table away. Five minutes or so is one thing – but 15 minutes to half an hour? Another chef says, “If you’re 15 minutes late for a flight, too bad. The door is closed, and the plane leaves. If a movies starts at 8:10 and you show up at 8:25, what happens? They don’t hold the picture for you. Why should I hold your table?”

And all chefs love the “who-you-know” game. There are always a handful who come into the restaurant, usually at peak service times, claiming to know the chef, with the expectation that they can have a table without a reservation; or that the chef will come out to the table and chat up the whole group. “We’re really busy in the kitchen. There’s a lot going on and a lot can go wrong. Besides, if you really knew me that well, you’d have called me on my private number or on my cell phone and asked me personally to make arrangements for you, not show up and try to intimidate my hostess,” Chef X says.

Finally, there are those who call the restaurant between 11:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. or between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. – peak lunch and dinner hours – and want a description of the menu read to them over the phone or they’re with three other people in the car, all talking at the same time making the conversation difficult to understand, and they want to know if they can come right now.

To some this may seem very nitpicky. But when you’re a chef or restaurant owner or, in many cases, wear both hats, it’s a very hard row to hoe.