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Warren’s World: What’s in a Name
Lurching from one near disaster to another ...
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Names have always been a very trendy reflection of the times. For example: Many of today’s young adults have one-syllable names, such as Brad or Deb, maybe Chris or Bart. Names that read well in their high school yearbook or on their letterman jackets. The shorter the name the younger the person seems to be.
Names were usually two syllables or longer when I grew up. Some of my friends’ names would get your attention even if you heard them today. Substantial names, such as Ernest, Harvey, Cornelius, Dewey, Oliver, Martin, Herbert, Marvin, Gordon, and even Obie. Good, solid, Depression-born and economically deprived names.
The women’s names? That’s another story. They had names such as Sylvia, Thelma, Doris, Prudence, Wilma, Maxine, Emily, Harriet, Pamela, Joyce, Gertrude, or Abigail. Quite often you could tell what a person did for a living just by their name.
Thelma had a job as a telephone operator. She was short and saucy, a great conversationalist and anyone who ever kissed her, never really forgot her.
Obie worked in a print shop, was 5-foot-2, drank a lot and smoked cheap cigars. He wore clothes that looked like they came from the-you-lost-it-I-found-it store.
Gordy used to work as a bellboy at a hotel. He was California surfer, blonde, 6-foot-2, played high school football, and wrecked his knee. Today he always delivers my mail on time.
Thelma played the accordion. She had red hair and was stoop shouldered. She told everybody, “It was because my mother made me start taking accordion lessons when I was only 6 years old.”
Maxine worked in a gift shop and sold miniature plastic convertible automobiles with a cactus plant in the back seats. She also sold slices of redwood burl with colored paintings of the Golden Gate Bridge on them.
Abigail worked at the riding stable in Malibu. Abigail is 5-foot-10 and weighs about 175 pounds. Her long dark hair frames her blue eyes and she was one beautiful lady. She was very attractive, but she always smelled like she had just shoveled out the manure in the stable and was on her way home to take a shower.
Gretchen was married to a guy named Wolfgang and she always wore dirndl dresses. Wolfgang had greasy fingernails because he repaired Volkswagens in his garage at night while Gretchen was a waitress in a Swiss restaurant in Everett.
Herbert fit the profile that overeaters anonymous was designed for. Five-foot-10 and 291 pounds. His wife weighs the same, but is a lot shorter. He sends me a Christmas card every year from Milwaukee with a note attached that they like it the way they are, because their extra weight keeps them warm during the long winter months.
Names were usually two syllables or longer when I grew up. Some of my friends’ names would get your attention even if you heard them today. Substantial names, such as Ernest, Harvey, Cornelius, Dewey, Oliver, Martin, Herbert, Marvin, Gordon, and even Obie. Good, solid, Depression-born and economically deprived names.
The women’s names? That’s another story. They had names such as Sylvia, Thelma, Doris, Prudence, Wilma, Maxine, Emily, Harriet, Pamela, Joyce, Gertrude, or Abigail. Quite often you could tell what a person did for a living just by their name.
Thelma had a job as a telephone operator. She was short and saucy, a great conversationalist and anyone who ever kissed her, never really forgot her.
Gordy used to work as a bellboy at a hotel. He was California surfer, blonde, 6-foot-2, played high school football, and wrecked his knee. Today he always delivers my mail on time.
Thelma played the accordion. She had red hair and was stoop shouldered. She told everybody, “It was because my mother made me start taking accordion lessons when I was only 6 years old.”
Maxine worked in a gift shop and sold miniature plastic convertible automobiles with a cactus plant in the back seats. She also sold slices of redwood burl with colored paintings of the Golden Gate Bridge on them.
Abigail worked at the riding stable in Malibu. Abigail is 5-foot-10 and weighs about 175 pounds. Her long dark hair frames her blue eyes and she was one beautiful lady. She was very attractive, but she always smelled like she had just shoveled out the manure in the stable and was on her way home to take a shower.
Gretchen was married to a guy named Wolfgang and she always wore dirndl dresses. Wolfgang had greasy fingernails because he repaired Volkswagens in his garage at night while Gretchen was a waitress in a Swiss restaurant in Everett.
Herbert fit the profile that overeaters anonymous was designed for. Five-foot-10 and 291 pounds. His wife weighs the same, but is a lot shorter. He sends me a Christmas card every year from Milwaukee with a note attached that they like it the way they are, because their extra weight keeps them warm during the long winter months.
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