By Flathead Reality on 11-07-07

To all Beacon-Heads.

In an effort to maintain quality television programming during the writer’s strike I suggest that we design our own reality show called, “Flathead Free-For-All.” The concept is simple. Two teams will perform a series of challenges unique to this area. The winning team will earn the right to be called “The Flathead Fabs” and receive a round trip holiday to Billings, along with a $50 shopping voucher.

The first team – The Flathead Homies – will be comprised of ten life-long residents of the Flathead Valley (proof of citizenship required). During the competition they will only be able to use items common to this area. Such as guns, pick-up trucks and sheep.

They will compete against The Flathead Posers, a team of five who have recently moved to the area (NOTE 1: I suggest five since there seems to be a sense that this group has an unfair advantage over the rest of us). They too, will rely on items natural to them such as BMWs, expensive handbags and undocumented laborers.

Because this is television, team members should be comfortable wearing skimpy outfits while talking trash into the camera (NOTE 2: If a Homie has a good looking sheep he can be overweight. Also, if a Poser has a good looking undocumented laborer she can have cellulite).

Now that we have the teams and the rules, we only need a few zany games (think Survivor and Big Brother) and we’ll be set. Any ideas?

By So on 11-07-07

So what if us new comers to the Flathead want to bring baseball bats? Not all of us “imports” are from LA. There are 48 better states than California. Watch what you say, its not just LA people in the valley.

By Roark on 11-08-07

The strike has no ill effect on me since 96% of the shows are pathetic!

By Nick on 11-08-07

So on-
It was a joke, with some harmless import-poking.  Don’t take it personal.  It’s all in fun.  If you can’t laugh at yourself, then it’s going to be a long life.

I was surprised when I heard that the talk-show guys, who I thought have claimed to write a lot of their own stuff, couldn’t actually keep it going.  Kind of pathetic.  If they were smart, they’d do a big promo for their show by having Leno write the entire thing.  It would be a big ratings booster and give people something to watch.

By jennifer on 11-09-07

Love the reality game show idea….......how about a trial to see whcihc team can navigate the roundabout while dogging deer! Its the best idea for a show yet!

By Flathead Reality on 11-09-07

The Deer-Dodge Event is a start. It is truly a Flathead activity that could indeed challenge the skills of both Homies and Posers. However, I suggest we take a different approach. 

Not long ago erstwhile and seasoned editor Kellyn Brown pointed out that Montana was lagging (nationally) in the number of vehicle-deer encounters. This despite the obvious edge we have with our open container laws. I – for one – was embarrassed to read that the rubes in Iowa and the hillbillies in West Virginia were putting us to shame by taking out more of the pesky animals than us.

With that in mind, we will take Jennifer’s idea, but add a distinctive twist. Instead of Deer-Dodging we will have a Deer-Killing competition.

After opening a six-pack of Keystone, Homies will drive their jacked up 4X4s around the roundabout aiming for deer. They will receive a point for each one taken out and deposited on the steps of the Flathead Beacon (I’m certain that Editor Brown and Reporter Myers “The Proud Owner of a Three-Legged Dog” Reece will be happy to serve as celebrity judges for this event).

When they have completed their turn, Posers will crack-the-cork from a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon purchased at a quaint little winery in Napa Valley they visited on their way out of California. After letting the wine breathe for a few minutes, they will fill their Riedel wine glass, jump into their BMWs and do the same.

Each team will have one-hour to complete the challenge.

This change will accomplish two important objectives. First, we have added an element of courage. After all, anyone can instinctively dodge a deer. It takes a true Flatheadian to go out of his or her way in order to take one out.

Second, and foremost, we can win back some of our state’s collective honor by increasing the deer-kill-by-vehicle count.

There’s the first challenge, Beaconheads. Do we have another?

By Flathead Reality on 11-09-07

My apologies to both you and Penny; as well as to her four legs.

With you as a Celebrity Judge - especially for this event - we should be able to sell the deceased game to restaurants that are a part of your growing database. The fact that many of these are in the United States and not China is a pleasant surprise. By spending less on shipping we will have more money to spend on prizes; possibly even upping the gift certificate to $52.50!

By Liz Marchi on 11-09-07

There is enough good writing here to produce the Flathead Follies !  Don’t know why they can’t use open-source writing.  Life is much better with a laugh now and then. Glad I ended my work week here. 
Myers, your dog is great.
L